September 16

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Couples Devotion – September 16

September 16

You could, like Kathy and I, have an intractable conflict over childcare responsibilities. But it could be that the husband is thinking (as I did), “If you love me like my mother loved my father, you’d not ask me to change diapers,” and the wife could be thinking (as Kathy did), “If you love me like my father loved my mother, you’d volunteer.” Instead of thinking about the other person, “He (she) is so selfish,” each should think, “He (she) is feeling particularly unloved.” (Hardcover, p. 155; paperback, pp. 171-72)

LOVE LANGUAGES THREE:. Let’s look at the positive side of showing affection. To do that well, think of everyday behavior or traits you respect in your spouse. Do you identify them and speak of them? Then, standing back, think of the work and accomplishments of your spouse. Do you identify them and speak of them? Study your partner, looking for the areas where your spouse “feels a lack” and think of ways to encourage him or her specifically in those areas. Finally, take thought for how to create loving climates, creatively arranging for situations in which focused attention is easier. Walks, scenic drives, and eating out (or cook- ing for one another) are only a few examples. These are the best settings in which your work of edifying and blessing can really sink in.

Reflection: Evaluate yourself and each other according to the list above.

Thought for prayer: Ask God to give you constant remembrances of his mercy and grace to you, so you can be regularly and instinctively kind and warm to your spouse.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

Scriptures

“3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.

4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.“

Philippians 2:3-4 NKJV

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Scriptures

Proverbs 16:24 (ESV)Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.
Matthew 12:36-37 (ESV)I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, 37 for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Proverbs 10:11 (ESV)The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.

COUPLE DEVOTION – September 11

The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy K and Kathy K

September 11

Because marriage… brings you into the closest possible contact, a positive assessment by your spouse has ultimate credibility. If someone I know a little comes up to me and says, “You are one of the kindest men I know,” I will certainly feel complimented and pleased. But… he doesn’t really know me…. But if my wife, after years of living with me, says, “You are one of the kindest men I know,” … that affirmation is profoundly comforting… because she knows me better than anyone.

THE PENULTIMATE SOLUTION

A spouse’s uniquely intimate knowledge can and often does lead to painful critique and conflict. But when he or she, despite seeing all that is wrong with you, nevertheless praises and affirms you, the effect is powerful. Criticism always stays with us longer than commendations. Why? All human beings have a primordial sense that we are not what we should be (cf. Genesis 3:7). It is not easy to overcome that baseline sense of shame. Yet spouses can do it, because when they compliment you, they do it with full knowledge of your flaws. When the thoughtful, sincere praise comes, deep down you can’t help but think something like, “If she says that, I guess it’s true.”

Reflection: Think of other reasons that the testimony of your spouse to your gifts and growth is so formative and powerful,

Thought for prayer: In each other’s presence, thank God for the ways that the affirmation of the other has comforted you deeply, and ask God for the ability to use well and wisely your power to bless the other.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

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September 10

Marriage puts into your spouse’s hand a massive power to reprogram your own self-appreciation. He or she can overturn anything previously said about you, to a great degree redeeming the past… [and healing] you of many of the deepest wounds. Why? If all the world says you are ugly, but your spouse says you are beautiful, you feel beautiful. To paraphrase a passage of Scripture, your heart may condemn you, but your spouse’s opinion is greater than your heart. (Hardcover, p. 147; paperback, p. 163)

THE ULTIMATE SOLUTION. Our self-image is the aggrega- tion of many “verdicts” that have been passed on to us over the years. Some were good and some were bad and your heart is deeply divided over which verdicts to believe and how to assess yourself. The ultimate solution to this identity problem is the gospel. Christ covers all your sins and gives a final verdict of “not guilty and fully loved, in me” (cf. Galatians 3:10-14; Romans 8:1). But the wonderful fact is that a good spouse can provide a foreshadowing and a representation of that amazing love. He or she can say, “I see all your sins but I love you fully, forever.” As a spouse, do you see the power for good that you have?

Reflection: Recall a time in which your spouse affirmed you and lifted you up despite the counterevidence of your flaws and failures.

Thought for prayer: Meditate on John 19:30 (Jesus’s cry, “It is

finished!”) and Romans 8:1: “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” In light of these promises, praise God, thank him, and confess ways you fail to accept these truths.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

Scriptures

Galatians 3:10-14 New King James Version

The Law Brings a Curse

10 For as many as are of the works of the law are under the curse; for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who does not continue in all things which are written in the book of the law, to do them.” 11 But that no one is [a]justified by the law in the sight of God is evident, for “the just shall live by faith.” 12 Yet the law is not of faith, but “the man who does them shall live by them.”

13 Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”), 14 that the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles in Christ Jesus, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

Romans 8:1 New King James Version

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who[a] do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.