September 16

September 16

You could, like Kathy and I, have an intractable conflict over childcare responsibilities. But it could be that the husband is thinking (as I did), “If you love me like my mother loved my father, you’d not ask me to change diapers,” and the wife could be thinking (as Kathy did), “If you love me like my father loved my mother, you’d volunteer.” Instead of thinking about the other person, “He (she) is so selfish,” each should think, “He (she) is feeling particularly unloved.” (Hardcover, p. 155;  paperback, pp. 171-72) 

LOVE LANGUAGES THREE:. Let’s look at the positive side of showing affection. To do that well, think of everyday behavior or traits you respect in your spouse. Do you identify them and speak of them? Then, standing back, think of the work and accomplishments of your spouse. Do you identify them and speak of them? Study your partner, looking for the areas where your spouse “feels a lack” and think of ways to encourage him or her specifically in those areas. Finally, take thought for how to create loving climates, creatively arranging for situations in which focused attention is easier. Walks, scenic drives, and eating out (or cook- ing for one another) are only a few examples. These are the best settings in which your work of edifying and blessing can really sink in.  

Reflection: Evaluate yourself and each other according to the list above.

Thought for prayer: Ask God to give you constant remembrances of his mercy and grace to you, so you can be regularly and instinctively kind and warm to your spouse. 

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.