September30

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Scriptures:

Ephesians 5:22-33 New King James Version

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might [a]sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, [b]of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

Couples Devotion – September 30

September 30

There’s no denying that the subject of gender roles in marriage is a contentious and controversial one…. I have seen Bible verses used as weapons of both oppression and rebellion. I have also seen the healing and flourishing that can happen in a marriage when hot-button words like “headship” and “submission” are understood correctly, with Jesus as the model for both. (Hardcover, p. 171; paperback, p. 192)

SUBMISSION. In these times, one can almost provoke a riot by using the words “headship” and “submission.” To many they mean oppression from men and willing subservience from women. This stems in part from a lack of understanding of the headship/submission dynamic in the ministry of Jesus. Also, some of it is willful misconstruction in the service of political agendas. Further, bad experiences with authority lead us to the conclusion that it is bad in all its forms. In Matthew 20:26-28 Jesus explained to his disciples that authority is to be used to serve, not to “lord it over” others, something Paul elaborated on in Ephesians 5:22-33. We see Jesus as the husband who sacri- fices everything to bring his bride to perfection (verse 25).

Reflection: Husbands, ask your wives if your exercise of head- ship makes them feel secure, loved, and cared for, or bullied and oppressed. Pray first to be able to receive the answer with grace, whether it is offered lovingly or not. Wives, are you ready to imi- tate Jesus, who set aside his glory as a gift to his Father in the accomplishment of our salvation (and then was glorified even further as a result)?

Thought for prayer: Pray that the pride and fear in both of your hearts would be suppressed by God’s Spirit, so that head- ship and submission in your marriage would be life-giving and not painful.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September29

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Scriptures:

Ephesians 5:23 NKJV

For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.

Matthew 19:5 NKJV

and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’?

1 Corinthians 6:16 NKJV

Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For “the two,” He says, “shall become one flesh.”

1 Corinthians 7:10-11 NKJV

Now to the married I command, yet not I but the Lord: A wife is not to depart from her husband. 11. But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife.

Couples Devotion – September 29

September 29

[U]nder the influence of the curse in Genesis, every human culture has found a way to interpret male headship in a way that has marginalized and oppressed women, and it’s usually the women who notice, and object, to this treatment first. (Hardcover, p. 170; paperback, p. 191)

INTRODUCING “HEADSHIP.” With tremendous ingenuity and creativity, sin has found ways in every time and place to twist the headship of men, prescribed in the Bible (Ephesians 5:23) and intended for good, into culturally approved ways to push women to the margins, rather than partnering together for the health of the family, the church, and the world. In order to nourish our God-starved sense of self, we oppress and exploit those who cannot resist. Instead of deploying strength and power to nurture and protect, as Jesus did, we “lord it over” oth- ers for our own comfort and benefit. We see men doing this to women and read that back into the term “head” in the Bible and reject the whole idea. We should not do this.

Reflection: Would both you and your spouse say that you are partners in the marriage and in the shared life to which God has called you? If not, which of you feels unappreciated or under- utilized?

Thought for prayer: In each other’s presence pray for your ability as a couple to hear the biblical teaching amid the cacophony of cultural voices around this subject.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September28

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Scriptures:

Romans 5:8-9 NKJV

8 But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him.

1 Corinthians 13:13 NKJV

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

Ephesians 4:14-15 NKJV

14 that we should no longer be children, tossed to and fro and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, in the cunning craftiness of deceitful plotting,

15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—

Couples Devotion – September 28

September 28

We are so evil and sinful and flawed that Jesus had to die for us. But we are so loved and valued that he was glad to die for us. The Lord of the universe loved us enough to do that! So the gospel humbles us into the dust and at the very same time exalts us to the heavens. We are sinners, but completely loved and accepted in Christ at the same time…. [This] gives you both the emotional humility and wealth to exercise the power of grace. (Hardcover, pp. 166-67; paperback, pp. 185-86)

THE CROSS AND FORGIVENESS. On the cross Jesus ful- filled the law and justice’s demands and procured mercy and for- giveness for us at the same time. We, too, are also required to forgive in a way that honors both justice and truth. “Christians are called to abandon bitterness, to be forbearing, to have a forgiving stance even where the repentance of the offending party is conspicuous by its absence; on the other hand, their God- centered passion for justice, their concern for God’s glory, ensure that the awful odium of sin is not glossed over.” “Love, but speak the truth. Speak the truth, but always in love. That’s how to show grace to your spouse.

Reflection: Did your upbringing teach and support this idea of forgiveness and repentance? In what ways does your family background help you? Hinder you?

Thought for prayer: Today think first of how your family back- ground has either oriented you toward moralism or toward relativ- ism in viewpoint. If there are any ways in which your past shackles you, ask God to break them and free you for truth and love.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September27

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Scriptures:

Psalm 130:4 New King James Version

But there is forgiveness with You,

That You may be feared.

Psalm 103:12 New King James Version

As far as the east is from the west,

So far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Couples Devotion – September 27

September 27

But speaking the truth in love requires… also “emotional wealth,” a fundamental inner joy and confidence. If you are very down on yourself… then it may be far too important for you to have your spouse always pleased with you. You will not be able… to criticize your spouse or [receive criticism]. . . . You will stay resentful but will hide it…. In this case, we have love eating up truth. (Hardcover, pp. 165-66; paperback, p. 184)

THE GOSPEL AND FORGIVENESS. The experience of the gospel gives us the two prerequisites for a life of forgiveness: First, it provides emotional humility. Those who won’t forgive show they have not accepted the fact of their own sinfulness. To remain unforgiving means you remain unaware of your own need for forgiveness. Second, it provides emotional wealth. You can’t be gracious to someone if you are too needy and insecure. If you know God’s love and forgiveness, then there is a limit to how deeply another person can hurt you. He or she can’t touch your real identity, wealth, and significance. The more we rejoice in our own forgiveness, the quicker we will be to forgive others. No heart that is truly repentant toward God can be unforgiving toward others.

Reflection: Which of the two requirements for forgiveness do you lack most often?

Thought for prayer: Meditate on Psalm 130:4: “with you there

is forgiveness, that you may be feared.” God’s free grace for us should lead us to awe and wonder (“fear”) before him. Think about that until you can praise him for his forgiveness from the heart.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September25

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Scriptures:

Luke 3:7-14 New King James Version

Then he said to the multitudes that came out to be baptized by him, “Brood[a] of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the wrath to come?
Therefore bear fruits worthy of repentance, and do not begin to say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ For I say to you that God is able to raise up children to Abraham from these stones.
And even now the ax is laid to the root of the trees. Therefore every tree which does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.”
So the people asked him, saying, “What shall we do then?”
He answered and said to them, “He who has two tunics, let him give to him who has none; and he who has food, let him do likewise.”
Then tax collectors also came to be baptized, and said to him, “Teacher, what shall we do?”
And he said to them, “Collect no more than what is appointed for you.”
Likewise the soldiers asked him, saying, “And what shall we do?” So he said to them, “Do not intimidate anyone or accuse falsely, and be content with your wages.”

Couples Devotion – September 25

September 25

September 25

This does not mean you cannot express anger. In fact, if you never express anger, your truth-telling probably won’t sink in. But forgiving grace must always be present, and if it is, it will, like salt in meat, keep the anger from going bad. Then truth and love can live together because, beneath them both, you have forgiven your spouse as Christ forgave you. (Hardcover, p. 165; paperback, p. 184)

REPENTING. Forgiveness (see tomorrow’s devotional) is far easier to give if there is repentance. How do you repent? First, say what you think you have done wrong. Second, ask your spouse to add to your list and then listen receptively to the criticism you’ve invited. Don’t be too quick to defend or explain yourself. Show respect for your spouse’s concerns. Third, ask forgiveness and at the same time offer a concrete plan for change that avoids the same thing happening again (cf. Luke 3:7-14). If you feel some of your spouse’s complaints are unjustified, wait until you’ve freely confessed the justified ones, and then humbly offer your perspective. This is all hard to do, so pray silently and assume God is speaking to you through this whole process.

Reflection: When was the last time you repented and asked forgiveness from your spouse? Look at the list above and evaluate how well you did this.

Thought for prayer: Confess to Jesus that though he humbled

himself without the obligation to do so, when we humble ourselves and repent, we do have an obligation-yet we find it tremendously hard. Cry out for help to become a better repenter

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September24

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Scriptures:

Romans 5:8

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Proverbs 13:24

He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

Couples Devotion – September 24

September 24

Reflection: When was the last time you indulged in love-without- truth-telling? What were you avoiding?

Thought for prayer: Thank God for his transforming love for you, how his love refuses to allow you to acquiesce in your flaws and sins, but insists on your growth. Remember how painful it was for Christ to love you. Now ask God for the courage to love others and your spouse like that.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

“Where training and discipline are concerned, short-term pain means long-term gain. It may break our heart to inflict the pain of discipline on our children and to see their tears, but the long-term goal of preparing them to live responsibly as adults justifies the short-term pain of disciplining them while they are young.”

― Myles Munroe, The Purpose and Power of Love & Marriage

September23

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Scriptures:

Matthew 18:15 NKJV
“Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

God = Love Jesus = Truth Jesus = God therefore Love = Truth

I John 4:7 (NKJV)
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.

John 14:6 (NKJV)
Jesus said to him, “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me.
John 10:30 (NKJV)
I and My Father are one.”

Couples Devotion – September 23

September 23

The Bible says we are supposed to forgive people and then go and confront them… almost always because…. We confront people who have wronged us as a way of paying them back… getting revenge. The person you are confronting knows you are doing payback and he or she will either be devastated or infuriated-or both. You are not really telling the truth for [truth’s sake or for] their sake; you are telling it for your sake. (Hardcover, p. 164; paperback, p. 183)

“TRUTH” WITHOUT LOVE. Truth-telling without love dis- honors the truth. We say we are only telling our spouse the truth when we are really trying to punish them. They made you feel bad and you want to make them feel bad, using the truth as a club. In such cases the so-called “truth” is usually unbalanced, one-sided, and crafted to hurt. The response to truth-without- love is seldom repentance and seeing the truth clearly. The other person will either be decimated or angered, because they will know you are not so much committed to truth as to payback. If you really care about people realizing the truth, you will convey it in love so it is possible for them to do so.

Reflection: When was the last time you used truth-without-love on each other?

Thought for prayer: Meditate on Galatians 6:1, that you should

only correct someone if they are, first, “caught” in a sin, doing it repeatedly, and second, if you can do it gently and humbly. Now ask God for the ability to only ever criticize along these lines.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September22

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Scriptures:

Ephesians 4:15

15 but, speaking the truth in love, may grow up in all things into Him who is the head—Christ—

Proverbs 12:18

There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.

Couples Devotion – September 22

September 22

Truth without love ruins the oneness, and love without truth gives the illusion of unity but actually stops the journey and the growth. The solution is grace. The experience of Jesus’s grace makes it possible to practice the two most important skills in marriage: forgiveness and repentance. Only if we are very good at forgiving and very good at repenting can truth and love be kept together…. Spouses either stay away from the truth.. or else they attack one another [with it]. (Hardcover, pp. 163-64; paperback, p. 182)

UNITING TRUTH AND LOVE. When a couple learns the moves of grace-to both repent and forgive-it unites the other two powers-of truth and love-in such a way that it leads to personal growth for all. To repent is to admit the truth because you are confident that in love your spouse will forgive you. If you weren’t assured of your spouse’s love, you couldn’t admit the truth, you would merely justify and defend yourself. To forgive is to insist on truth (not making excuses for your spouse) because you love them too much to let them continue in their sin. In these and many other ways, repenting and forgiveness make truth and love interdependent, not contradictory.

Reflection: “Loving without telling the truth is not really love. Truth-telling without love is not really conveying the truth.” Defend these two statements.

Thought for prayer: In each other’s presence, thank God for

times in which you have been able to extend grace to each other through repentance and forgiveness, and ask for increas- ing abilities and opportunities to do the same.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September21

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Scriptures:

1 John 3:18 Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

1 John 4:18

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.

Hebrews 13:4

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Proverbs 12:22

Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those who act faithfully are his delight.

Couples Devotion – September 21

September 21

[T]here’s the Great Problem of marriage. The one person in the whole world who holds your heart in your hand, whose approval and affirmation you most long for and need-is the one who is hurt more deeply by your sins than anyone else on the planet.. … When we see how devastating truth-telling. …can be… we may then decide that our job is to shut up … stuff and hide what we really think and feel. We exercise… love, but not truth. (Hardcover, pp. 162- 63; paperback, pp. 180-81)

THE NEED FOR GRACE. We have been looking at two “powers” of marriage: truth and love. But these two powers create a tension. Our spouses, as we have seen, do not merely learn the truth about our sin in an abstract way. We sin against our spouses and we hurt them. How will they, in spite of that, be enabled to use their power to love and edify? How can you affirm someone whose sins you see so painfully well? We choose may to only tell the truth or only be loving-but it takes both to bring about change. The powers of truth and love will only work together if they are joined by a third-the power of grace and forgiveness.

Reflection: It is difficult to be truthful and loving at the same time. We tend to choose one over the other. Which one do you tend to choose?!!

Thought for prayer: Thank the Lord that he is not merely a demanding and just God or one of indiscriminate beneficence. Thank him for the grace of the Cross, which reveals how he can both be infinitely just to punish sins and infinitely merciful to forgive sins at the same time.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September17

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Scriptures

Philippians 1:21 nkjv

“ For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain”

Does this apply in Marriage ?

Couples Devotion September 17

September 17

[R]ealize you have a “filter” on. You tend to only “hear”certain kinds of love language. For example, your spouse may be working hard to provide you with material things, but you wish he were more verbal. There is a tendency to say, “He doesn’t love me!” because he is not communicating love in your most valuable language. Take off your filter and recognize the love your spouse is giving you. (Hardcover, p. 154; paperback, p. 171)

GIVING, HELPING, LISTENING, TALKING. Judson Swihart wrote a book called How Do You Say “I Love You”? that provided a number of specific ways to show love that stretched over all four categories. We’ve teased these out into twelve specific ways to show love. We will look at four each day. Some say “love me”

(1) by giving me things, from thoughtful gifts to meeting my material needs and wants;

(2) by helping me, by giving priority to helping me accomplish my responsibilities;

(3) by listening to me with focused attention when I want to talk, by being understanding;

(4) by talking to me and letting me know what you are really thinking and feeling-your joys, hopes, worries, and fears.

Reflection: Which of these four love languages are the most emotionally valuable to you? Before asking – which do you think is the most valuable to your spouse? Now compare your answers.

Thought for prayer: Ask God that over these three days that you and your spouse can get more clarity about how to communicate love to each other in ways that fit your particular needs.