September26

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Scriptures:

Mark 11:25 New King James Version

“And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses.

Colossians 3:12-13 New King James Version

Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; 13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do.

Couples Devotion – September 26

September 26

What does it take to know the power of grace? First it takes humility. If you have trouble forgiving someone, it is at least partly because deep in your heart you are thinking, “I would never do anything like that!” As long as you feel superior to someone, feel like you are a much better kind of person, you will find it very hard if not impossible to forgive. [so] truth will eat up love. (Hardcover, p. 165; paperback, p. 184)

FORGIVING. How do you forgive someone? First, forgive your spouse in your heart even before you talk to them (Mark 11:25). That way you avoid what we have discussed-using the truth to pay back rather than to lovingly correct. Second, go and say what was done wrong, but be open to the possibility that you aren’t seeing things clearly. Say something like: “It looks to me like you did this and it affected me like this. Correct me if I’m wrong.” Attack the problem, not the person. If your spouse apologizes, express forgiveness; if not, keep talking. Finally, remember that forgiveness is granted before it’s felt. Forgiveness is a promise not to keep bringing up the past to your spouse, to others, or to yourself.

Reflection: When was the last time you confronted and offered forgiveness to your spouse? Look at the list above and evaluate how well you did this.

Thought for prayer: Meditate on Colossians 3:12-13. Confess

your lack of “compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and fig heart. patience” in light of how “the Lord forgave you.” Ask for a forgiving heart

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September20

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Scriptures:

Proverbs 18:21

21 Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit.

Ephesians 4:31-32

Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Proverbs 6:16-19

16 These six things the Lord hates, Yes, seven are an abomination to [a]Him:

17 A proud look, A lying tongue, Hands that shed innocent blood,

18 A heart that devises wicked plans, Feet that are swift in running to evil,

19 A false witness who speaks lies, And one who sows discord among brethren.

Proverbs 12:18

There is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, But the tongue of the wise promotes health.

Couples Devotion – September 20

September 20

Never abuse the primary love language. Never withhold it to hurt the other, for the hurt will go deep. A man who greatly values getting respect from his wife in public will not be able to take it when she mocks him in front of their friends. A woman who needs lots of verbal affirmation will be devastated by the silent treatment. (Hardcover, p. 155; paperback, p. 172)

THE ABUSE OF THE LANGUAGES. If we are angry with Our spouse we may instinctively get back at them by withholding a love language we know is valuable to them or even by giving them the very opposite behavior as a way of hurting them. But wounds inflicted in this way can be hard to heal. God did not do that to us. When the Israelites complained that they could not bear listening to his voice on Mount Sinai directly, God sent his word through a human prophet (Deuteronomy 18:15-19). God adapted his communication to our capacities. Jesus himself is God’s way of giving us love in a form to which we could relate (John 1:14). So love your spouse as God in Christ has loved you.

Reflection: Think of a time in which you were tempted to use your spouse’s love language against him or her.

Thought for prayer: In God’s presence, think of how he did

not merely send us a prophet to tell us about his love, but he gave us his Son to embody it and his Spirit to feel it, so we could know his love. Ask God to help you love your spouse in the same way.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September 19

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Scriptures

Romans 12:3

“For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith”

Couples Devotion September 19

September 19

Remember that improper love languages can be “heard in reverse.” For example, if you give material gifts to a person who wants some other form, she may say, “You are trying to buy my love!” (Hardcover, p. 155; paperback, p. 172)

CHANGING, SHARING, PRAYING, AND SPACE. Finally, consider these love languages. Some say “love me…”

(9) by volunteering to change your habits, attitudes, and other things that bother me, by being open to my criticism;

(10) by spending time with me doing and sharing activities that I like, by sharing each other’s worlds and growing together intellectually and emotionally;

(11) by praying and reading the Bible and talking about our spiritual lives together;

(12) by giving me freedom or privacy to pursue my interests, by not being too smothering and possessive.

Reflection: Which of these four love languages are the most emotionally valuable to you? Before asking-which do is the most valuable to your spouse? Now compare your answers. you think

Thought for prayer: Ask God for the wisdom to know the differences and balances-between being too smothering or too detached, between being only affirming or only critical, between only listening or only talking. Ask for the ability to love skillfully and well.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September18

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criptures

Colossians 3:14

And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony

1 John 4:8-9

8 He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 9 In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.

Ephesians 4:2

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love

Couples Devotion September 18

September 18

Learn the primary languages of your spouse and send love over those channels, not over the channels you prefer for yourself. We tend to give love through the channels in which we like to receive it. (Hard- cover, p. 155; paperback, p. 172)

TOUCHING, LIKING, POINTING, STANDING. Consider the following kinds of love languages. Some say “love me…”

(5) by being physically warm, tender, affectionate and playful, and not just when you are interested in sex;

(6) by telling me what you like about me, affirming my strengths, helping me find my gifts;

(7) by telling me where I need to grow-in a context of affirmation-and

pointing out where I need to change;

(8) by standing up for me in front of others, and always being on the same side when we are dealing with others, including our children.

Reflection: Which of these four love languages are the most emotionally valuable to you? Before asking-which do you think is the most valuable to your spouse? Now compare your answers.

Thought for prayer: Ask God for the continual attentiveness

it takes to discern the particular ways that your spouse both needs and wants love expressed to him or her

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

Scripture

September17

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Scriptures

Philippians 1:21 nkjv

“ For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain”

Does this apply in Marriage ?

Couples Devotion September 17

September 17

[R]ealize you have a “filter” on. You tend to only “hear”certain kinds of love language. For example, your spouse may be working hard to provide you with material things, but you wish he were more verbal. There is a tendency to say, “He doesn’t love me!” because he is not communicating love in your most valuable language. Take off your filter and recognize the love your spouse is giving you. (Hardcover, p. 154; paperback, p. 171)

GIVING, HELPING, LISTENING, TALKING. Judson Swihart wrote a book called How Do You Say “I Love You”? that provided a number of specific ways to show love that stretched over all four categories. We’ve teased these out into twelve specific ways to show love. We will look at four each day. Some say “love me”

(1) by giving me things, from thoughtful gifts to meeting my material needs and wants;

(2) by helping me, by giving priority to helping me accomplish my responsibilities;

(3) by listening to me with focused attention when I want to talk, by being understanding;

(4) by talking to me and letting me know what you are really thinking and feeling-your joys, hopes, worries, and fears.

Reflection: Which of these four love languages are the most emotionally valuable to you? Before asking – which do you think is the most valuable to your spouse? Now compare your answers.

Thought for prayer: Ask God that over these three days that you and your spouse can get more clarity about how to communicate love to each other in ways that fit your particular needs.

September 15

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SCRIPTURE

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

4 Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

September 15

There are many different ways to express love. You can buy a present, say, “I love you” out loud, give a compliment, be romantic and tender physically, abide by your loved one’s wishes, and spend time in focused attention. That’s just the beginning of the list…. The Greeks had… affection (storge), love between friends (philos), erotic love (eros), and service (agape)…. All forms of love are necessary, and none are to be ignored, but all of us find some forms of love to be more emotionally valuable to us. (Hardcover, p. 153; paperback, p. 170) Pot)

LOVE LANGUAGES TWO: Let’s look at the first of the four broad categories of love languages. “Affection” includes what has often been called edifying or blessing the other. To do this means, on the one hand, eliminating many practices that undermine your spouse. Do you use cutting humor? Do you use sarcasm and belittling words when making points? Do you criticize him or her in front of others? Are you far less courteous in little things toward your spouse than you are toward a guest in your home? Do you brighten up for others and engage, but shuffle around in an emotionally unresponsive, distracted way when you are home with just your partner? This is a list of dissaffecting behaviors and attitudes. Eliminate them.

Reflection: Evaluate yourself and each other according to the list above.

Thought for prayer: Unaffectionate behavior comes from a

heart hardened with self-pity and resentment. Ask God for a heart softened so you are neither sharp-tongued nor emotionally distant in your daily dealings with your spouse.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September14

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Scriptures

Proverbs 27:14 NKJV – He who blesses his friend with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, It will be counted a curse to him.

Proverbs 27:15 NKJV – A continual dripping on a very rainy dayAnd a contentious woman are alike;

Proverbs 25:28 NKJV Whoever has no rule over his own spirit Is like a city broken down, without walls.

Proverbs 25:28 Amplified Bible (AMP)Like a city that is broken down and without walls [leaving it unprotected] Is a man who has no self-control over his spirit [and sets himself up for trouble].

Couples Devotion September 14

September 14

receiver A radio signal may be sent out on one frequency, but the radio very is tuned to another. So a husband may be sensual and romantic toward his wife, but that might not be where her love receiver is tuned. He doesn’t listen sympathetically to her when she wants to talk about the things that discourage her. She tells her husband, “I don’t feel you love me!” He retorts, “But I do love you!” Why…? He is sending his love over a channel to which she is not tuned. (Hardcover, p. 153; paperback, p. 169)

LOVE LANGUAGES ONE: We have seen that the love and affirmation of your spouse can be healing and transformative. But how do you communicate love to your spouse? Let’s introduce the concept of “love channels” or “love languages.” The idea is that you think you are conveying love and affirmation to your spouse, but you may be doing so in away that can’t be heard, because it is not emotionally valuable to him or her. The metaphor of a radio is helpful. You may be sending love on one channel but your partner doesn’t listen to that channel. Learning our spouse’s love languages is crucial. It requires coming to understand much about his or her temperament, history, and identity.

Reflection: Before doing any more reading or study, answer this very general question: In what ways can you express love in a way that pleases your spouse the most?

Thoughts for prayer: Meditate on proverbs 27:14, that tells us our effort to bless if poorly expressed can be countered as a curse, ask God for wisdom not just good intentions for how to love your spouse skillfully.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

Seeking to speak and do your spouse love language is like sowing a seed – Contetious and lack of control destroys the seed and gives no room for growth.

September13

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Scriptures:

2 Corinthians 5:21 NKJV

For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Ephesians 4:29 NKJV

Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.

NOTE: Would you take time to intentionally build your spouse up with words today

Couples Devotion – September13

September 13

In Christ, God sees us as righteous, holy, and beautiful (2 Corinthians 5:21)…. Jesus has the ability to overcome everything anyone has ever said about or to you. Sometimes your spouse points you directly to Jesus’s love. Sometimes your spouse’s affirmation stimulates us to more fully believe and accept the love we have in Christ. So, more than any other human relationship, marriage has a unique power to heal all hurts and convince us of our own distinctive beauty and worth. (Hardcover, p. 149; paperback, pp. 164-65)

THE POETRY OF THE HEART. Certainly the primary relationship of love we need is with God. But remember that though Adam was sinless, there was an emptiness that a relationship with God alone could not satisfy, a need for human love that the Creator had put into him. When Adam looks at Eve for the first time, he says, in the first poetry in the Bible: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). This was at the same time a covenant commitment as well as an explosive outburst of lyrical joy for her. The power of our spouse to give us a Christ like approval and healing love is vividly foreshadowed here. Know the power you have to build up your partner.

Reflection: Discuss with your spouse an additional place in your life (see yesterday’s devotional) where you need his or her encouragement and affirmation more.

Thought for prayer: Ask God to keep you from being too busy, tired, and distracted to accomplish one of your main callings in life-the edification of your spouse in love. Ask him of her to help you keep this in the forefront of your mind and attention.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.

September12

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Scriptures

1 John 3:2 NKJV

Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.

2 Peter 3:18 NKJV

18 but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

To Him be the glory both now and forever. Amen.

Proverbs 15:1 NKJV

A soft answer turns away wrath,

But a harsh word stirs up anger

COUPLE DEVOTION – September 12

September 12

And if, over the years, you have grown to love and admire your spouse more and more, then his or her praise will get more and more strengthening and healing. As Faramir says to Sam Gamgee in The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers: “The praise of the praiseworthy is above all rewards.” To be highly esteemed by someone you highly esteem is the greatest thing in the world.

ADORED BY THE ADORED. One reason that we find spouses’ affirmation so powerful is that they know us. Here is a second reason: a compliment from an admirable person is always more uplifting than approval from a person you don’t respect. You marry a person that you admire, and so right from the start his or her approval means a lot. But as the years go by, if you both grow in grace and Christ-like character and you come to admire and adore your spouse more and more, then the effect of any praise from the other becomes transformative.

To be adored by someone you adore is like heaven. And that is what heaven will be like (1 John 3:2).

Reflection: Discuss with your spouse the place in your life where you need his or her encouragement and affirmation more.

Thought for reflection: Realizing that your power to bless

and build up your spouse depends in part on his or her respect for your growth and character. Ask God to help you grow in grace 2 Peter 3:18) so your ability to affirm and bless your spouse will have the greatest effect.

Reference: The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy and Kathy Keller.